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THE STARCATCHER
By Pedro Oliveira


Within:
"I feel them all around me
As if they're looking for me
I'm sure they're protecting me
You're all so close to me
And don't you never ever leave me!"

                   ~*~

Introduction:
Every night before I fall asleep
I look out of my window and always see
A shadow sitting in the moon
With a fishing rod and wizard hat
I swear he is catching the stars
Why would someone do that?

                   ~*~

I: DREAM

Hey, you with the the fishing rod and wizard hat!
Tell me what are those stars you're looking at!

"They are wishes and dreams
They are hopes and fears
From the children, who before going to sleep
Look at the sky and make a wish
Hoping that tomorrow
Won't be full of sorrow."

Hey, you who sits on the moon!
Why are you catching the stars? Are you a loon?

"Those stars full of dreams and wishes
I catch them like fishes!
So I can take them to the angels
Who will make them come true
Just like the children wanted to."

                   ~*~

II: WISH

"I've been catching stars since forever.
They have many sizes, shapes and forms...
Do you want me to catch yours?"

Hey, you who are awake when others sleep!
Can you teach me how to make a wish?

"Close your eyes and listen to your heart
It will tell you what you feel
And the wish you want to be fulfilled."

                   ~*~

III: HOPE

Hey, you who carries the wishes!
How do you give them to the angels?

"Shortly before the sun is born
An angel comes from above.
I give him the shining stars
And they fly above the clouds.

What happens next I do not know
But I have faith in them.
There they keep our souls...
and I'm sure our wishes are there too.

Do you believe it too?"

                   ~*~
                    THE END
                   ~*~






Epilogue:

"Starless world, starless world.
Hey, where have you gone?
It seems there are no souls...
Where did yours go?"

THE STARCATCHER.


by Pedro Oliveira a.ka. *zungzwang

A story about stars, wishes, moon and you.




Artwork:


All rights reserved.
(c) Pedro Oliveira
Story and Artwork by me.


:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz: :icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:


THANK YOU =bowie-loon123 :heart: and ~OuroborosA :love: for the GREAT help with the grammar and everything else! I really really appreciate it.

Visit my Facebook Page!

Add a Comment:
 
:iconastrikos:
requested from Share Art+

My my. This is a lovely deviation.

Visionality

Well, this is quite original, but some of the similies/metaphors/ and other poetic devices have been used before. Yet, I feel like you put your own unique spin on this piece.

I think your vision is nice. It reflects mostly on your idea, yet some of your vision is a bit 'jumpy'.

Technique

For the most part, your rhyme stucture is nice. yet, I have a few minor suggestions. For one, in the first stanza the ending of me is a bit too repetitive.

For stanzas two and three, you restate wizard hat to get your poem to rhyme, which is a bit repetitive. You also restate sleep many times, and catching the stars. the latter does make more sense though. I think you should work on trying to keep the rhyme, while mixing up some words. repeating a word so it still rhymes in a slightly different way really takes off the impact.

Still, it's a very touching poem.

Your art, though, matches your poem beautifully and has wonderful colors and the perfect style to complement.

Impact

Very sweet and touching. Yet, is slightly held back from repetitive word use and phrasing. (this does not include the star wisher/ catcher of stars. That's a very nice touch)

+
Overall, a very nice poem. Polished and touching. very nicely done!~
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconrouge-fox:
Rouge-Fox Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Student Writer
This is a beautiful piece my friend, it's quite a darling little bedtime story to send your kids to sleep on.
Reply
:iconnekomarik:
NekoMarik Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:rose::orange::butterfly: This has been featured at [link]! :rose::orange::butterfly:
Reply
:iconexplosivesplatter:
ExplosiveSplatter Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. Such a beautiful piece. Instant :+fav:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! i'm really glad you enjoyed this little story. :heart:
Reply
:iconexplosivesplatter:
ExplosiveSplatter Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:dance: Np
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:glomp:
Reply
:icondeviouswitch:
DeviousWitch Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really love this story and poem of yours, it's wonderful, i'm sure children would love to read this (well, people every age actually, especially the dreamy persons :) ) =D
Well-written poem, i love the rhyme :)
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for your always kind words. :heart: I truly appreciate all of your comments. :tighthug:
Reply
:icondeviouswitch:
DeviousWitch Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem!^^ :iconkittyglompplz:
Reply
:iconerazona:
Erazona Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
What a lovely piece of art! Great job with this!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! :aww:
Reply
:iconc-nixxy:
C-Nixxy Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist
Wow this poem was beautifully written. Also stunning artwork!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! :love:
Reply
:iconshootingstar37654:
Shootingstar37654 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very beautiful piece of work. Your imagination is astounding!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for your kind words! :heart:
Reply
:iconshootingstar37654:
Shootingstar37654 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconrjaandbvbforever:
RJAandBVBforever Featured By Owner May 26, 2012
Really, really beautiful. :aww:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! I'm so glad you like it. :love:
Reply
:iconmarian-ette:
Marian-ette Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Student Writer
Marvelous, as usual :)
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you SO much. :love:
Reply
:iconthedeathofalibi:
TheDeathOfAlibi Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Just a simply great piece!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank youu! :D
Reply
:iconvintagemeadows:
vintagemeadows Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012
Hi! I think the artwork for this was really pretty, so I decided to read the poem, too ~

Well, I reckon it's certainly suited to children. It gives off that storybook effect. Though as nice as the theme of the poem is, I think it could be better. For one thing, the rhyming is inconsistent. It's not necessarily bad, but it might make a reader expect and/or get confused. The style of how you wrote it is good- there's a nice flow of things, and you can see the repetition of the usage of apostrophe, which adds to the format. All in all, it forms lovely imagery in my head :iconlovebearplz:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind comment. I really appreciate it. :hug:

I tried to fix the inconsistency of the rhymes but with no success!
Reply
:iconnekomarik:
NekoMarik Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:rose::orange::butterfly: This has been featured here: [link] :rose::orange::butterfly:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! :heart: And I'm so sorry for the late reply!
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Student General Artist
This was a very nice story ! I can't give you any kind of advice since I'm not that good in english but I liked it very much.
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. :aww:
Reply
:icondr-aim:
Dr-Aim Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Student General Artist
you're very welcome, it was really a nice story !
Reply
:iconnemonameless:
NemoNameless Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful story. I hope he catches some of my wishes, and the angels make them come true. :)
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for your kind words! :aww: (and I'm extremely sorry for the late late reply)
Reply
:iconnemonameless:
NemoNameless Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:aww: :peace:
Reply
:iconneondragon319:
NeonDragon319 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think this story/poem was really amazing. This got my attention rather quickly beginning with the first line. I can't believe this isn't a Daily D~ I mean it deserves to be. Simply amazing, I don't even no what to say. Keep on doing what you do!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh wow, thank you so much for that kind comment! I'm so glad you liked this little story! :love: Thank YOU! :hug:
Reply
:iconnekomarik:
NekoMarik Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Critique:
I like the poem. I like the way it alternates between an ambiguous speaker and the narrator’s thoughts- it brings to mind the essence of “The Chimney Sweeper” by William Blake, but slightly more hopeful. The dialogue is charming, and the imagery clear. The transition between parts is good as well. The illustration is beautiful as well. The only thing that bugs me is the subscript. Even without my glasses on, font that small makes my eyes swim, so I had to zoom into the screen to read it. And I don’t know if the lowercase beginning of the second to last line of the poem was intentional, but if it was, I like the way it draws attention to the statement there and to the last sentence.
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so so much for this kind critique. I'm so glad you liked it and yes! That lowercase was intentional, it just did not seem right to put an upper case letter on that sentence, it would ruin all the flow. I'm happy that you noticed that little but important detail. :aww:

:hug:
Reply
:iconnekomarik:
NekoMarik Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! ^_^ And yes, sometimes it's those tiny details that make all the different in writing, especially poetry.
:iconfurryhugplz:
Reply
:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
Amazing piece! Beautiful imagery and flow. Great job.
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! (your username fits this story just beautifully :giggle: )
Reply
:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
You're welcome.
Hehe, it does doesn't it? :)
Reply
:iconmiss-mad-hatter94:
Miss-Mad-Hatter94 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
This is absolutely amazing. I especially liked it, I have always thought that stars were wishes. I like the idea of this.

Love,
Maddie
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much. I'm really glad you enjoyed this little story. Ahah, it seems we have a similar imagination then. :giggle:

:hug:
Reply
:icondiskfire:
diskfire Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
That's a beautiful, heartwarming story. :happycry:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww, thanks! :hug:
Reply
:icondreamofthenightsky:
DreamoftheNightSky Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2011   General Artist
This is really cute. The art is just lovely, too.

I can totally see this being targeted towards younger readers. That said, I think you should re-evaluate your use of punctuation.
For example, you wrote "There they keep our souls." I would put a comma after "there." It's up to you, of course, but I find this piece is lacking some commas (please take into consideration that I'm a comma whore :P)

Anyway, this is absolutely adorable, and I hope your storybook will be successful!
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so so much for this kind comment! I really appreciate it. I'll do a punctuation revision to see what fits better! Thanks so much. :hug:
Reply
:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It's interesting how you've set and structured this piece, I have to say... I like the narrative quality to it all, but then I have to wonder why you didn't just write a prose piece because this is nearly it... I don't know. There isn't much poetic feel to it, although the way you break up the lines is brilliant in that regard. Then again... it does sound like a musical piece, actually, like something you would sing in a musical. o.O

you with the the fishing

You've repeated 'the' unnecessarily?

You could add a few more commas here and there to break up the lines, like:

From the children, who before going to sleep

...could be:

From the children, who, before going to sleep,


I'm not fond of this line:

Just like the children wanted to."

I feel you could rephrase it or use a different word... I don't know. I feel as if you skip ahead a bit in the sense that it feels as if you're missing a few words, but that could just be me.

It's interesting... I like the progression and how you've managed to talk about quite a bit, although it's still all centred, if that makes sense. It feels a bit scattered, which could reflect the concept, I suppose.

I don't really have any suggestions.. it's a pretty cool piece. :D
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you SO much for this helpful comment. I'll think about all the aspects you pointed out and see if I can come up with some betetr lines. :aww: Thank you, thank you. :hug:
Reply
:iconwatchtheclouds:
WatchTheClouds Featured By Owner May 15, 2011   General Artist
Lovely! I love the whole concept and especially the artwork :D

You did lose a little of the rhyming near the end though, that made me sad...
Reply
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